Archive for November, 2009

On the subject of celebrity crushes

Earlier tonight (or maybe it was last night, depending on how your idea of time works), while I was Twitter-Stalkingยฎ , I came across a link from an actor whom I affectionately refer to as my nerd. It linked to a YouTube video for his “unauthorized” biography. I watched and damned near pissed myself with all the funny.

Ok, seriously, you need to watch it. HILARIOUS!

Anyway.

I stumbled across his link, watched all the videos and decided that my friend, Bobbi, needed to watch all the videos as well. I mean, she is the one who allowed me to text her while I was watching Criminal Minds and gush on and on about my ginormous nerd crush. As I was spamming the hell out of her Facebook page with links to the videos, I started to wonder if maybe he would stumble across the link (I tagged him in the comment, of course, just like anyone with a ginormous nerd crush should) and think that I was one of those completely fucked up kind of fans. You know, the ones that wind up getting arrested for breaking into someone’s house cuzz they think they’re married to actor or some shit. And then I started to think about the random celebrities that I like and could be accused of “crushing on”.

*Just to verify, I am NOT one of those psycho fans. I realize that his stumbling across that comment/link I left for my friend is highly unlikely and, even if he were to come across it, who the hell am I, ya know? I’m highly sarcastic and will spout out things that I know are bullshit and that my friends know are bullshit, but others might actually take seriously when that’s not the intent at all. Just so we’re clear on that.*

I’ve never really had a “type” of celebrity that I think is hot. I mean, as a kid, I had the standard celebrity crushes. I was mildly obsessed with New Kids On The Block, for example. (I’m talking about back in the 90s, when they first came out) As I’ve gotten older, my celebrity infatuations have strayed from that clean-cut mold. Take my thing for Shaun Morgan, the lead singer of Seether. He’s about as far from clean-cut as you can get.

 

See? He's rather fuzzy. And I likes me a fuzzy man.

 

I’ve met him (as you can see above) and was allowed the chance to actually hang out with him for quite a while. I was able to sit with him, talk to him, drink with him (he and the rest of the band introduced me to Hillbilly Shots), shit like that. I was able to tell him how I was absolutely willing to marry him in order for him to get his green card (he’s from South Africa) and all he had to do was make sure my son and I had a place to live and that I didn’t have to work. I even told him my son could be his daughter’s bestest friend forever! Since I was hanging out with him, he was able to see that I was just screwing around and he joked back with me about it.

I’m pretty sure I’m never gonna get a chance to hang out with anyone famous like that again.

Now, based on Shaun Morgan, you’re probably thinking that I have a thing for huge, furry dudes. (Everyone I know tells me he looks like a lumber jack, which makes me threaten violence against them) But see, that’s where you’d be wrong. If you watched that YouTube thingie up there or if you’ve ever seen an episode of Criminal Minds, you’ve seen that Matthew Gray Gubler is nowhere near as furry and is incredibly thin. I hesitate to full-out call him a nerd cuzz it’s completely possible that he’s a far from a nerd as a person can be, but damn it, he looks like he would be a total nerd to me and, I’m sorry but that’s just hot. I have always had a thing for nerds. Book nerds, gamer nerds, car nerds, whatever. Nerds are just fucking sexy. Case closed.

I’ve also got this thing for Ryan Adams. I refer to him as my music nerd. He writes incredible music, he paints, he writes poetry and he’s funny. He’s actually a lot like Matthew Gray Gubler, except he’s a musician and not an actor. But! Where Matthew Gray Gubler looks all clean and spiffy and what not, Ryan Adams just looks like he doesn’t give a shit. He’s scruffy and his clothes don’t always match. His music, his poetry and his art work make him incredibly hot.

And then there’s my thing for Eminem. Yeah, really. There’s just something about him that draws me to him. Honestly? I think it’s his rapping. I know a lot of people don’t think that rap is music, and whatever. They can think what they want to about that. But one thing that can’t be denied about rap is that it’s poetry, pure and simple. And I love me some poets. I’ve always been a huge fan of Shakespeare, Edgar Allan Poe, Lord Byron, etc. And while a lot of people may not like what he writes and raps about, he’s still incredibly talented and it’s obvious that he writes about what’s inside him, which is something that poets do. And I really like all his tattoos, as well. ๐Ÿ˜€

Ya know, now that I’ve written all this out, I realize that I actually do have a “type” when it comes to celebrity crushes. Heh. Guess you learn something new every day.

Now tell me internets, any of your friends think you’re bat shit crazy cuzz you think Wesley Crusher from Star Trek – The Next Generation is hot? (Which he totally is, by the way.) Maybe you think Alex Baldwin is gorgeous and everyone you know thinks you’re nuts. Tell me about it! I need to hear that there are other people out there like me. ๐Ÿ˜›

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The one where I prove my smoothness. For the millionth time.

So, it’s been documented in other places that I am one of the smoothest people ever to have been born. Here, however, well, that’s a different story. See here? It’s still new and shiny and I haven’t done anything to prove my smoothness lately.

Well, until tonight, that is.

First, I feel like I should maybe give you an idea of what type of smoothness I’m claiming. I’m not speaking of the smoothness that gets people laid with almost no effort or the kind of smoothness that comes from knowing how to dance or move well. My smoothness is the kind that makes me look like a total asshole

Case in point.

A few months back, my mother was nice enough to take me to and from work. One morning, I was waiting for her in the parking lot. (Yes, I was smoking. Blow me.) I saw a car that I thought was hers pull into the bank near the base and turn around, like maybe she had turned into the wrong driveway and realized it too late to stop turning. I put my cigarette out, opened the door and yelled good-bye to everyone and proceeded to go out to my mom’s car. I opened the door, set my purse on the floor and sat down as I heard someone say, “I think you have me confused with someone else.” Yep. I got into a little old lady’s car.

See what I mean about looking like an asshole? Thought so.

So, tonight I was running late to work. I needed to stop to make sure I had crap here to eat for the next 2 weeks (and by crap, I completely mean those steam-in-the-microwave vegetables) and even though I left 45 minutes BEFORE my shift, I still managed to be late.

(If you’ve been paying attention, that means I did not venture out with the masses this morning to get my precious contact solution.)

Anyway.

I was late and pulled into the parking lot a little faster than normal. I didn’t think too much of it cuzz the brakes on the car were just completely redone. I slowed down as I wanted and everything was good. Until I ran over one of those little concrete parking stopper thingies. Not a big deal, I’ve run over them before. I threw the car in reverse and slowly began to back up and off the thing. Except that’s not how it worked out. I moved. A little. But then my car stopped moving all together. I thought that maybe I slipped out of gear since the transmission isn’t the best and has had problems. I put the car into park and sat there a second, then I put it back into reverse and tried again. Still no movement. At this point, I just said fuck it and put the car in park so I could go inside.

I was greeted by hearing that my crew didn’t need a wake up call in the morning. (I stopped giving wake up calls a while ago, so they didn’t even need to worry about telling me that.) After the dispatcher from the day shift left, I went downstairs and asked my crew if they might be able to lift my car up or something and make sure that I’d be able to leave in the morning. After some giggling, they agreed.

Now, had I been thinking, I would’ve grabbed my phone and took video of the rescuing of my car. Then again, had I been thinking, I probably wouldn’t have stranded my car on a concrete parking thingie.

What transpired has got to be one of the more comical things I’ve witnessed in my tenure as a licensed driver. See, then simply pushing the car while someone put it into reverse didn’t work at all, my crew decided to put some muscle into it. After putting the car into park, one of them braced himself against the base with both legs. When the car was put back into reverse, he pushed with everything he had. Amazingly enough, he didn’t hurt himself when the car finally moved and he was no longer supported by the car. And yes, if you need to ask, I damned near pissed my pants while watching everything unfold.

After the car was moved and parked, my crew looked under the car. Seems there is now a nifty little mark/hole where I hooked the frame on the only piece of metal that was sticking up. Fucking awesome.

Ya know, it doesn’t seem as funny after I see it typed out. Oh well. It still amused the shit out of me. ๐Ÿ™‚

Maybe I’ll write a few blogs about my adventures of smoothness in the coming overtime filled weeks…

The one where I ramble about why I’m not a good shopper

Yeah… So, I’m not really overflowing in the ideas department at the moment. Seems everyone and their brother is going out to brave the Black Friday crowds. I, however, am still at work, so no Black Friday shopping for me. Well, that and I don’t really have the money to be shopping for anything that isn’t related to my rent and/or paying for a way to get my shit out of storage (finally).

Ok, so I might have just lied a little. I will be braving the crowds when I get out of work, but I’m NOT going out to try to get an incredible deal on something. I’m going cuzz I happened to run out of contact solution last night and I haven’t been able to find the damned near full bottle I packed however many weeks ago.

I gotta be honest. I LOVE a good deal, but Black Friday shopping really kinda freaks me out. I remember going with my mom, grandma and aunts when I was a kid, but it was no where near as insane as it’s gotten over the years. It was fun, as I recall. Only the girls got to go and we’d head up to the outlet mall at like 0600 or something and just make a day out of it. We’d shop and then we’d go out for lunch/dinner. And even though I miss doing that, I’m glad we don’t anymore cuzz I know I wouldn’t make it through more than 5 minutes with out freaking out.

Here’s a bit of a newsflash – I HATE CROWDS.

Seriously. I won’t think twice about going to a sold out concert and even though the fact that it’s packed will bug me a little, it doesn’t get under my skin too much. Send me out into a crowded store, however, and I start flipping out. I will completely avoid aisles that I need to go down if I think they’re too crowded. And if I happen to wind up in an aisle that gets crowded? I will start looking for my nearest escape route while I grip whatever I have nearby, whether it’s a grocery cart or simply my purse strap. And I get panicky, too. It’s weird.

So, um, long story short? I’m guessing that Black Friday shopping is just never gonna be my cup of tea, no matter how good the deal is. If I didn’t need to keep my contacts hydrated, I would be completely avoiding any type of shopping ANYTHING today.

And I’m back to slacking again

This time, though, I have a really good reason.

WE GOT A FUCKING HOUSE!

We moved in last weekend. Then I went out into the woods with my dad and killed Bambi’s mom. I felt bad for about half a second when I looked at her up close, but thinking about the fact that I just provided my family with food for months made me ok with it. I mean, I know you don’t hear about people hunting with the sole purpose of providing food for their family these days (well, maybe I just don’t hear it too much), but that was the reason I went. After all, being that EMS is my chosen profession and I happen to be the only one working at the moment, anything I can do to make things a little easier money wise is a good thing.

Over all, this past week has been pretty fucking awesome. We moved into the new house, I killed a deer (only my 2nd time hunting, by the way), I got a raise at work AND Greg may have found work. It starts out as only seasonal, but I guess they wind up hiring most of their full-time people from the seasonal workers. Greg works his ass off and isn’t afraid to go above and beyond what’s required, so if he lands this seasonal work, I’m pretty sure he’ll wind up full-time. And even if he doesn’t, getting his foot in the door now and pulling in some money is still better than nothing.

So, back to why I’m slacking.

As I’ve said a few times before, we moved. Unfortunately, moving means no internet until we can get the people on the phone to do what they need to do or get them out to the house to do what they need to do. We’re not completely sure yet if they’ll need to come out and do anything to the lines or whatever, but hopefully we’ll be back online pretty quickly. I’m going a little loopy with out my Bejeweled fix at home. ๐Ÿ˜›

So, that’s pretty much it. We’re going to be getting our couch, bed and new(ish) fridge when I get out of work this morning, which is REALLY awesome considering we’ve been sleeping on the floor since we moved in. I’ve never felt so damned old in my life as I have this last week. Sleeping on the floor does NOT agree with me.

Hopefully, we’ll be online sometime this week. If not, then I’ll be slacking until I come back to work on Thanksgiving. Weeha!

Adventures In Trying To Find A Home

So, I’m sure it’ll come as no real surprise that my family and I have been experiencing some financial issues. I mean, come on now, who hasn’t been having financial issues these days? In my neck of the woods (good old Flint Michigan), jobs are incredibly scarce, so while I don’t make a shit ton of money doing what I do, I realize that I’m incredibly lucky to still have a secure job.

Recently, we’ve had to… Relocate. Yes, we’ll go with relocate. At the moment, I’ve moved my little family in with my parents. Right into their 1 bedroom apartment. o_O Yeah… There are currently 4 adults and 1 little boy attempting not to step on each other. It’s actually not been all that difficult, really. I was expecting some problems simply due to 4 adults being packed into a small area and people getting under each other’s skin and what not, but there haven’t been any tiffs or pissed off moments or anything really. (That’s completely awesome, by the way.) And even though things are going well, we still want to get the hell out of Dodge. Love my parents and all, but I kinda like not living “at home”. Basically what it boils down to is that I like being the boss in my own home. That and I miss my cats something terrible.

We’ve been attempting to find a place that we can afford and that isn’t too deep in “the hood” ever since the relocation. That’s been about 3 weeks or so? I can’t remember the exact date right now, but it’s been a few weeks. Honestly, I didn’t think that finding some place that we could afford would be so hard given the state the economy has been in around this area for the last forever, but apparently there are still some people out there who are delusional enough to think that they can get someone to rent and/or buy a 2 bedroom house for more than $600 a month. Yeah… there’s a reason the place you’re trying to unload is STILL on the market, asshole.

Anyway.

Last week, we thought we were golden. Greg found this cute, little 2 bedroom place that wasn’t in a bad area and was in good condition. He met with the dude who owned and over the course of the next week or so, this guy had met with Greg, my mother, myself and my son. The last meeting was when my son and I were finally able to go see the place (stupid 3rd shift making me think I need to sleep during the day) and the guy let us wander around the place and let my son start to figure out which room he wanted to be his and what he was going to do in the basement so he could practice his Tae Kwon Do. After we were done looking around, he had us all go downtown so he could get the water transferred into our names and get his rental license. We found out after we got down there that the office that handles all that stuff is only open 9-1, which is nuts if you ask me.

While we were there, the guy realized that he locked his keys in his truck, so we took him back to his place to get the spare set and then he had us go up to a doughnut shop with him so we could go over the lease. We went over it, signed it and he gave us the keys. We told him it would probably be the end of the week before we could get him the money that he was asking for, but that he’d have by Friday and we’d be moving in that weekend. We then took him back to his truck and everything seemed to be fine.

We allowed ourselves to get excited about moving into a place that we happened across on a complete fluke. (Greg was actually looking at a different place, didn’t like the way it looked on the outside and decided to drive down the street to see if there were any other places available.) We went to visit the cats and told them that we’d be taking them home soon. I started planning on where I was going to put furniture and trying to figure out how long it would take to get Alex to school and myself to work.

A couple days later, we called him to verify the address. We drove by the place to double-check, but there were no numbers anywhere. When Greg asked him what the address was, he was told that we could no longer rent the place. Seems that someone had put in an offer to buy the house that he is currently living in, so he would be needing to move into the house that we had SIGNED A LEASE for. Oh, and could we please bring by the keys? They were the only set he had.

Needless to say, I was a tad pissed off.

It wouldn’t have been quite so bad had this guy not allowed my son to get excited. Disappoint me till your heart’s content. Yeah, I’ll be pissed, but chances are I’m not going to anything after the fact. Disappoint my boy, though, and you’ve just decided to tangle with Queen Bitch.

See, being that we this dude didn’t have his renter’s license when he insisted we sign the lease, means that he committed fraud. He also decided to charge more for the security deposit than he’s legally allowed to, not to mention the fact that there was NO NOTICE given in breaking the lease. I don’t like it when I get fucked with and I like it even less when my son is fucked with. This dude disappointed all of us. We are currently seeking legal advice to see if it’ll be worth it to go after his ass.

Oh, and something else that’s fucking nifty? Greg drove by the place yesterday and he’s NOT living in it. It’s still on the market. What.The.Hell. Maybe the fact that I told him I have some experience working with power tools freaked him out, being that I’m a girl and all. (He seriously had the balls to tell me that if I wanted a light bulb changed, I needed to call him cuzz he’d known women who’d ruined lights by not knowing what wattage to use. This was AFTER he introduced himself to me by asking me what kind of house keeper I am. o_O)

Honestly, even though I’m pissed as hell about the way things went down, I’m relatively certain that this is for the best. After all, I’m just a woman who wouldn’t know how to wash a fucking dish with out a man’s help. I’m sure we’d have gotten into “altercations”.

Yesterday, we signed a lease on a different place. It’s less money a month, the landlord isn’t gonna hover over me to make sure I wipe the counters in a counter-clockwise pattern and the one neighbor we met while we were looking at the place liked us and told the guy we needed to be the ones who moved in. YAY!

The one problem we’ve run into is that we were told by the Department of Human Services that we qualified for assistance to move into a new place, meaning that they would cover first month’s rent and security deposit. Well, I called yesterday and spoke with the person who told me we qualified only to find out that we no longer fall into the “emergency assistance” category. Seems we would need to be living either in my car, on the street or in a homeless shelter in order to qualify now. You’d think that this would have been something I was told about when I was told I qualified for help, but apparently that’s just not how it’s done. Oh, and if you happen to get through to the case workers instead of getting their voice mail, you completely fuck up their day and they’ll treat you like shit for it. (Ok, to be fair, I understand that the case workers where I’m at are INCREDIBLY over worked and tired and all that, but when you have a client call you and politely ask you to tell them what they need to do to receive the assistance that you told them they could get, it would probably be in the best interest of every one involved that you not be a complete dick. Just sayin’.)

Hopefully some other options that were available are still available and we can move this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed that things FINALLY start to go my way internets. I’d like to continue to be nothing but sweetness and light. ๐Ÿ˜€

The one where I decide to piss and moan about the computer

Originally, this entry was going to about how bugs are always trying to kill me, but then, THEN!, my computer decided to give me the big Fuck You and make Mozilla crash.

Ugh.

This isn’t something new to me. Actually, I tend to wonder if I just get too much shit going for Mozilla to handle sometimes. When I think about it, that doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, though, cuzz you’d think that a browser with a large followingย  would be able to handle having at least 10 tabs open. Then again, maybe not. I really have no idea. The point is, you’d think that a browser worth a shit wouldn’t be crashing all the time.

I tend to think that it’s the computer I use at work, since that’s where this seems to occur the most. They set up a computer specifically for internet use for us so we don’t die of boredom. The system with the CAD and all that is completely separate (thankfully), so there shouldn’t be all that much on this computer to bog it down. That does not seem to be the case, though.

Back when this was first set up, I talked to our tech dude to see what he was planning on doing. Like, if we’d have blocks in place or some kind of “Net Nanny” thing that told on us if we happened across a site that we shouldn’t. (No, I actually wasn’t planning on going to sites like that at work. That’s just gross. Besides, with my Bejeweled addiction, I don’t have time for anything else. :-P) I also asked what type of stuff he was planning on putting on it. The computer that we had been using to dispatch from before we got the awesometastical CAD was pretty damned slow and that irritated the shit outta me. He told me that he had a bare bones system and that he’d be installing the normal office type crap on there – Microsoft Office, Internet Explorer, NAEMD CE Training,ย  etc – and he assured me that there was no reason he could see that the computer would be slowed down by anything. That made me *SQUEE* with delight.

At first, it wasn’t slow. And nothing crashed. Ever. It was fucking glorious.

I don’t know what happened. According to the scans I’ve run, there isn’t a rogue virus infecting the thing just to piss me off. (If there were, I would have no doubt in my mind that the bugs and spiders created it to make me lose my mind.) Apparently, the computer just decided to get slow and mean.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not bitching cuzz the computer we’ve been given to use as an entertainment and training module isn’t up to my standards. Far from it. I’m actually very grateful that we have it. It just pisses me off when I sit down and write something (using valuable time that could be used to feed my Bejeweled addiction) and then watch it simply disappear after I’ve gotten about half way through.

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who gets pissed off about this kind of thing.

In which I decide to prattle on about my idiosyncrasies

I suppose this could alternately be titled The Shit That Makes People Think I’m Crazy, but I wanted an excuse to use the word prattle. (Also, you’ll have to excuse the gap in between entries/post/whatever. I haven’t blogged on the regular in a long time and I’m still trying to remember that I started this, so bear with me.)

Anyway.

I got to thinking tonight (as I sat here playing Bejeweled for most of the beginning of my shift) about some of the things about myself that seem to make other people think I’m a bit… Off, I guess. Actually, I was sitting here playing Bejeweled and was attacked by a Box Elder bug, which got me to wondering about why my boss would keep the window with out the screen on it open all day, knowing that I was to be her replacement tonight and that bugs of all kinds have the strictest of orders to kill me on sight and THAT’S what got me to thinking about the odd shit about me that makes people cross to the other side of the street when they see me walking towards them. I then managed to kill the stupid bug (no, seriously. I smacked the shit out of it with a fly swatter and damned near had a heart attack when the bug stuck to the fly swatter and managed to get me to fling it’s nasty bug carcass at MYSELF. Fo realz, yo.) and forgot all about my train of thought cuzz Bejeweled had begun to drain my will to live once again. A few hours passed and I sent my crews out on a couple calls. When the one crew returned, I was once again reminded about all the things that make other people wonder how the hell I’ve managed to be so freaking awesome while being so much of a… Well, FREAK, for lack of a better term.

Ok, here’s some things that should get across what I’m talking about. I hate to breathe other people’s breath. (Incidentally, that’s exactly what got me to thinking about my idiosyncrasies when my crew returned.) I absolutely, 100% can not handle other people breathing their breath all my face. I refuse to sleep facing anyone and even get a little freaked out when one of my cats decides to fall asleep with their face near mine. *shudder*

I also have issues with the way certain words sound and will go out of my way to never, ever use them. Meal. Moist. Tasty. Crisp. (There are TONS more, but I’ll stop there or else the rest of this entry will be nothing but words I loathe.) There is absolutely no reason for me to hate these words. They’ve never done a damned thing to me. I just cannot stand the way the sound and the way they feel in my mouth, if that makes any sense. When Couch Greg was still living with us, he used to say tasty ALL.THE.TIME. and it drove me nuts! Every time he said it, I wanted to punch him in the throat. I restrained myself, though. After all, it’s not like I had told him that I hated the word, so he really had no idea that he was pissing me off. And even if I had clued him in? Who am I to tell him not to use a word. Ok, ok, so it was my home and I could have totally went into super-bitch mode and gave him a list of words to never say in my home. Thing is, I can’t let all the crazy out at once. I have to let it seep out slowly, so as not to frighten the natives. Namely Greg and everyone around me who happens to NOT be crazy. No, my cats do not count. Each one is just as fucked up in the head as I am.

It also drives me nuts if I have to divert from certain routines I have, though that might be more of an OCD thing rather than just an eccentric-crazy-lady thing. (Cuzz eccentric is the word you want to use when you’re being polite or trying not to get the crazy lady to kick your ass.) Example? When I take showers, I do everything in the exact same order every single time. (Wash hair, rinse, conditioner, wash self, rinse hair and self, shave anything that needs shaved, wash face.) Always in the same order, no exceptions. If I manage to get out-of-order, I’m screwed for the entire day. Like the day that I woke up late and couldn’t remember if I had just gotten my hair wet or if I had forgotten to rinse out the conditioner. (Smell analysis determined I forgot to rinse out the conditioner, thankfully, cuzz I’d have just felt disgusting if I had forgotten to wash my hair.) (My hair gets really nasty greasy if it’s not washed every day, so it would have been gross. Trust me.) I was all sorts of screwed that day. I couldn’t keep my appts in order, I kept forgetting where people were… If I had remembered to rinse out the conditioner and not managed to divert from my normal shower routine, I’m sure I would have had a nicely pleasant day.

Hmm… Let’s go with one more thing and then I’ll put an end to the drivel in this post.

I cannot stand hearing two things running at the same time. Like, the radio and the TV. It MUST be one or the other, never both. That goes for video and/or computer games and things of that nature. If the TV (or radio) is on and something else is going at the same time, I come insanely close to flipping my shit entirely. BUT! Even though I can’t stand it when two things are on at the same time, I absolutely cannot stand the absolute quiet even more. There has to be noise of some kind going at all times. As a matter of fact, up until I met Greg (boyfriend Greg, not to be confused with Couch Greg), I couldn’t go to sleep with out the radio going.

So, there are some of the things that make me uniquely myself. Or, so as to not sound so trendy or whatever, some of the things about myself that make other people wonder how I’m not hated or getting my ass kicked on the daily. Now tell me, internets, what are some of the things about YOU that people may view as a tad eccentric? (See what I did there with the being polite and what not? That right there makes me CLASSY.)