Archive for March, 2010

Procrastination at it’s finest

So, I should really be up cleaning the house. It’s not disgusting or anything, so I guess I don’t have an actual NEED to clean it, but I’ve been kinda proud of the fact that I’ve kept up on it and would like it to stay that way. Now, if I could just keep up on the laundry, I’d be set. Anyone have a good washer and dryer they’d like to give me? It’ll go to a good home, I promise. ๐Ÿ˜›

Now, I’ve been consciously trying NOT to blog about all of my medical woes, but lately that’s becoming more and more difficult. Probably due to the fact that I have nothing else going on at the moment and probably due to reading up on the possible things I could have and freaking myself out. So, if you don’t want to read about medical shit, I suggest you turn away now. It’s about to get all medicinal up in this bitch.

I saw the neurologist on Monday. That was an interesting little visit. First of all, he wears a turban. That in itself isn’t really that big a deal and I wouldn’t even mention it if I wouldn’t have had to suppress giggles when I saw it. See, when I think of someone wearing a turban, I think of the ones that I’ve seen in movies, on TV shows and occasionally when I’ve been at the mall or something. The ones I’ve seen look like they’re proportioned correctly for whomever happens to be wearing it and I don’t giggle. I fight the urge to ask how they are able to fold it the right way and could they possibly teach me cuzz I would actually like to know how, but I don’t giggle. The doctorย  saw, though, appeared to be wearing one that would look better on a small child. Now, I’m not sure if there are different sizes for adults and children as I’m not really all that educated on turbans and what not, but this just did not look like it belonged on his head! Or maybe it did and he was having a fat head day or something, I don’t know. Chances are really good that my perception of how a turban should look is incredibly skewed, so I’m relatively sure that it was just me.

Anyway.

He asked me a bunch of questions that I never even thought would indicate that there’s something wrong. Like, if I find myself having trouble speaking. Now, sometimes I stutter. People like to pick on my stutter and it kinda makes me want to punch them in the throat, but it’s something that I’ve done for as long as I can remember, so I don’t think that really has anything to do with what’s going on. What seemed to stand out to him is the fact that I’ve been having a lot of trouble either thinking of a specific word I want to use or even just SAYING the word. That’s been happening to me a lot lately and he kind of nodded like he was thinking about what that could mean, but he didn’t really tell me too much about that. I’m sure that he’s trying not to freak me out with what COULD be going on, cuzz there are tons of possibilities. So I get that. He tested my reflexes and didn’t get much reaction cuzz my body doesn’t like to randomly jerk around when a certain spot gets banged. (Minds out of the gutter people, that’s NOT where I’m going with this, although the thought did cross my mind.) He looked at my eyes and had me look at different things without moving my head, which lead him to bust out the bright light and take a closer look, which has me a little gorked out. He had me stand and bend and twist all around while he held on to the back of my pants. Thankfully he did that, or else I’d have probably knocked myself unconscious falling on my head. He did a bunch of other crap and then told me that he wanted me to get an EEG, FDG, BAER scan and an MRI. Seems he wants to see if there are any signs of Multiple Sclerosis in my brain.

Naturally, when I got home, I looked up what the tests were. I found a site that listed off the various tests that can be done and managed to freak myself out more by recognizing some of the signs that can sometimes show up during the manual exams. I thought I had done well, but apparently, that’s not the case, which is what lead him to think MS.

I get the first three tests done tomorrow morning and was told it’ll be about two weeks before the MRI can even be scheduled cuzz of my insurance. I’m tempted to ask if they can do an abdominal MRI while they’re scanning my brain to see if they can find out why I’ve been in pain for so damned long. Heh.

So, that’s where I am with all that shit. I’m hoping to get some answers sooner rather than later.

Now, onto something that isn’t all about doctors and blahblahblah. I was reading my friend, Aunt Becky‘s, blog earlier and she wanted to know what annoyed people. Now I kinda feel like listing out some of my annoyances. So, that is exactly what I’m going to do. And you should read them. Not only will they allow you to figure out how not to annoy me and, therefore, piss me off, but it should also give you some giggles. And giggles are good.

~ Not being allowed to drive.

~ Having to depend on everyone and their fucking brother to get me places or bring me things. Not that I don’t appreciate the help cuzz, trust me, I totally do, but I’ve been doing things for myself for quite some time and it makes me feel worthless to not be able to drive myself up to the store for a pack of cigarettes or something.

~ Little yippy dogs that will NOT shut their little yippy mouths! Seriously, it’s a good thing I don’t have a shot-gun with ammo here or else I’d be playing target practice. o_O

~ When the cats are doing something awesome and then stop cuzz they hear me turn on the camera.

~ The random peanut that’s just hanging out on the floor, taunting me to try and throw it away.

~ Being stared at by Bitsy cuzz my typing has, apparently, disturbed her slumber.

~ The pile of laundry that needs to be done, but can’t be cuzz I can’t drive myself anywhere.

~ The census. I finally got my mail dude to take it away. If someone shows up at my door to count me, I’m not going to be pleased.

~ People walking down my street at all hours of the day and night.

~ Dishes.

~ Only being able to have my garbage taken away every other week cuzz the city I live in is broke and they don’t seem to have a problem that the rat population will most likely boom.

~ The fires that keep being set in the abandoned houses to protest the lay-offs of fire fighters and police. But at least if the city burns to the ground, the rats will burn, too, so bonus, I guess.

~ People looking at me like I’m walking around drunk in public at times when it’s deemed not appropriate to be drunk. Maybe if I were actually drunk, the looks would amuse me, but since I’m stone sober, they make me wanna poke holes in their shirts or something.

~ Holes in shirts that should be there.

~ That same fucking peanut that seems to now be shouting its taunts. Stupid peanut.

~ Not being able to really get out of the house other than to go to the doctor.

~ Wanting to ask my friends if they’d be willing to take me on their adventures, but not cuzz I’d have to ask them if they could pay my way, too.

~ Bot being able to figure out which cat is bleeding and from where. Instead,ย  just find random spots of blood on window sills and, oddly enough, on a wall that I can’t figure out how they were able to even touch.

~ Making this damned list.

There. Now that I’ve shared my annoyances, I am going to be a total copy cat and ask you all to list off your annoyances to me. I’d like to see if I’m the only freak who gets annoyed by things that really don’t make much of an impact on my life. Like, when someone puts the toilet paper on the toilet paper thingie the wrong way. When I see that, I get pissy and have to change it to the proper, OVER position.

Or, if you don’t feel like listing your annoyances, you should tell me a story. Any story will do, I’d just like to be amused. Actually, wait. If you’ve got a story that would be more likely to be seen in a Dear Penthouse letter, you can keep that shit to yourself. Anything else is welcome. ๐Ÿ™‚

In which I have nothing better to do

Yeah. Things are full of excitement around here these days. Not being able to go to work or drive myself anywhere has made me into a hermit. o_O I went to the gas station the other day with Greg. That was the first time I had been out of the house since I went to see my cardiologist on Tuesday.

See? I told you it was exciting around here.

So, I got a diagnosis from the cardiologist. It explains why I passed out and why I might pass out again at any time, but it doesn’t explain the dizziness. Hopefully I’ll be on the track to figuring that out when I visit the neurologist on Monday. I’m expecting to be booked for shit tons of tests, yet again. I’m not really all that fond of being poked and prodded, but it’s pretty much been the norm for the last 6 years, so I’m used to it, I guess. It’s something that will get me the hell out of the house at least.

I need to get with my family doctor to see about resuming the poking and prodding to figure out how to get rid of my pain, but it seems he’s more concerned with figuring all this shit out first. I can understand why, but at the same time, I’d like to finally have a day where I was hurting, too, ya know?

Bleh.

At any rate, being cooped up inside has gotten my house keeping back on track. Sort of. The kitchen, living room and bathroom are pretty well-kept up, which is awesome. I suck when it comes to doing dishes, so the fact that I’ve stayed on top of them is kinda miraculous. I’ve been known to just say “Screw it” and toss out dirty dishes that I’ve let sit for too long and just buy new ones, if that tells you anything about my affair with being a dishwasher. I’d be happier than a pig in shit to simply use disposable dishes and plug up the landfills even more. Yeah, I know that’s not exactly very green of me, but I loathe dishes like none other.

Baby Mae has taken to rubbing up on my arms vigorously while I clean cuzz she can’t get to my chin to bite it. I MUST have music playing while I clean or else I can’t do it properly (Seriously. If there’s no music, my cleaning is HORRIBLE.), and when music is playing, I have to sing along. It’s required. I guess since she can’t bite my chin, she thinks that rubbing my arms and making me drop shit is just as good. Today, she was trying to get me to drop a plate I was drying off and managed to knock herself off the counter. It was spectacular! I really need to set up a camera or something so I can get these things on video. I would TOTALLY win grand prize on AFV. ๐Ÿ˜›

Um… Still no progress on my writing. I wasn’t really expecting there to be, though. I’ve had writer’s block for quite sometime and had managed to spit out 2 new poems, but that’s been it. (They were in my book, so they’re toast.) I’ve had bits and pieces of ideas, but nothing I consider good enough to put on paper. Maybe that’ll change soon, though. There’s always hope, right?

I’ve also run out of books to read, which has me kinda bummed out. I’m reading the last book in the whole house that I haven’t read at least twice before. Clive Barker’s The Hellbound Heart. (For those who don’t know, that’s the novella that inspired the movie, Hellraiser.) Greg got it back when we had a little money cuzz he LOVES Hellraiser and had wanted to read it for a while. I’ve gotta say, the differences between the two are interesting. Some of the things that they changed for the movie don’t make sense to me. Not that it’s different from the story line or takes away from the story or anything like that. I just don’t understand why they changed them. The book is pretty damned good. I’m kinda annoyed that I haven’t read it sooner.

Other than that, not too much else has been going on. A bunch of firefighters and police officers got laid off, which has me seriously considering getting a gun and my CCW. (Yeah, I think I just saw a bunch of you jump back from your computers and look for places to hide. Wise choice. :-P) Things around here (well, not specifically HERE here, but in the city in general) were pretty nasty to begin with and I’m sure it’s only gonna escalate now. Pretty sad, really, especially considering that downtown has been getting back to the way it used to be. Hopefully they’ll be able to find some money in the budget somewhere to get these people back on the job before too long.

And yeah. That’s pretty much it. The boy is home for the weekend, which is different. That means I can make him clean his room, which will be happening in about half an hour. That will also be around the time that I am going to sit my fat ass on the couch and do my nails. Mwahahaha! Hermit Momยฎ is going to have a GREAT Saturday. ๐Ÿ˜€

In which I decide to break my silence

So, I see it’s been damned near a month since I visited Ye Ole Bloggy-Blog. It’s high time I break my silence and post something, don’tcha think? Initially, my silence came from being hella tired and boring. Then I stayed silent due to hitting on a string of bad luck. Since I didn’t want to turn this into a Woe Is Me blog, I refrained from updating.

And now?

Still riding the shitty luck train, but I’ve been silent for far too long and I feel as if I’m gonna burst. So, if you don’t like reading blogs where people piss and moan about random things going on in their lives, well, you should probably run away screaming right now cuzz that’s what I’m about to do.

Still there? Well then. Here we go!

Ok, so for about a month and a half, maybe two months, now, I’ve been incredibly dizzy. It doesn’t seem to be an inner ear thing (though I haven’t seen an ENT yet to be absolutely certain). My doctor put me on something called Antivert to try to help with the dizziness. Filled the prescription and began taking it, hoping for some relief. (If you’ve ever been on a boat or spun around REALLYREALLYREALLY fast and then just stopped, you should have a pretty good idea of how I’ve felt. Every.Minute.Of.Every.Day.) I didn’t notice any real difference, but I figured that I needed to give it some time to get itself into my system, since I’d only been taking it for about, maybe, a week at most.

We had gotten our taxes back a week or so beforehand, and Greg needed to go to Kohl’s to exchange a couple things, so I went with him. I had a few hours to kill before going in to work that night, so I figured What the hell? While we were in the store, I was incredibly dizzy. Nothing really new by that point, but it seemed to be a little worse than normal.

Get home, Greg went to change cuzz he was going to the symphony with his coffee boyfriend (who isn’t really his boyfriend cuzz, um, he’s not a fan of the cock. I just call his one friend that cuzz at one point he kept calling Greg to see if he wanted to go out for coffee and it amused me.) and I took an Antivert cuzz it was time for The Pill Takingยฎ.

The next thing I clearly remember, I was in the ER.

According to Greg, he had been asking me questions and I wasn’t answering him. He said he came out of the bathroom and saw me standing in the middle of the room, holding my stomach like I do sometimes when my pain gets really intense. He told me that he put his hands on my shoulders and I just DROPPED. If he hadn’t been behind me, he thinks I’d have probably busted my head open on something. From this point, he started making phone calls and managed to get an ambulance dispatched to our place. What was initially supposed to be 1 ambulance turned into 2. (I guess the first rig was a basic unit and they wanted a paramedic to assist them, which was why the 2nd rig was sent.) According to the 1st crew on scene, I was with them for a minute or so and then I was just gone. She (1 of the crew) told me that my blood pressure was really low and I wasn’t responding to questions very well. They ended up loading me onto the ALS rig and, since I was unresponsive, I was shipped off to the closest hospital, which is pretty much right around the corner.

The medic from the 2nd rig told me I freaked him out a little. I guess he and his partner didn’t realize who I was until they had me loaded in the ambulance. (The ambulances that responded were from the company that I work for.) He also said I didn’t even flinch when he started my IV.

The hospital I was taken to was not my first choice, but, again, since I was unresponsive, I didn’t get a say in it. In situations like that, you get taken to the closest, most appropriate hospital. (If that doesn’t make sense, let me know in the comments and I can explain it better.) Being in the ER was a pain in the ass, mainly due to the fact that I had to pee, but wasn’t allowed to get out of bed. The staff down there were great and treated me pretty well. When I was admitted to the floor, well, that didn’t go as well. The night shift staff was great. If they had been on for my entire stay, I’d have probably waited until I was discharged by the doctor before I left. Since they weren’t, however, I checked myself out AMA. I was pretty pissed that even though I was told I couldn’t get out of bed with out assistance, my call button was answered exactly TWICE out of the five or six times I pushed it. The last time it was answered, the nurse tried to tell me that she had answered it every single time, like I hadn’t been the one in the bed waiting for someone to see what I needed. o_O When I heard MY NAME being used very loudly at the nurse’s station, well, that pretty much clinched it. Especially considering that my name was being used in a less than professional manner.

While I was there, they did an echo and a bunch of blood work. Still waiting on the results of those tests. This was about 3 weeks ago? I know it was Valentines Day when I left the hospital. Since then, I’ve seen my doctor and a cardiologist. I wore a Holter Monitor and am set up to have a Tilt Table and Stress Echo in the coming weeks. Oh, and I’m off work until who knows when. Since I work 3rd shift and can’t guarantee someone will be at the base with me at all times, my doctor won’t release me to work. (I had been cleared to work, but wound up falling while I was vacuuming. Still not sure if I lost my balance from being dizzy or if I tripped over the cord.) I’m looking at a minimum of 2 weeks off from the looks of things.

Oh and to make things THAT.MUCH.BETTER., my purse was stolen this weekend. Cards, cash, pictures… Everything gone. Well, almost everything. Someone found my wallet and my book on the side of the road, so I got a few things back. Not much, but some pretty important things were left for me in my wallet. My book, however, did not make it. All of my pay stubs from work were destroyed. All the family obituary notices, pictures, random newspaper clippings that I save cuzz I’m an odd ball like that, were destroyed. But what upsets me most of all is that all of my writing is gone. 14 years worth of poetry – Destroyed. It may not have been the best, but it was a HUGE part of me. I have a few of the poems online in different places, but not many. And, this may make me sound kinda psycho, but it feels like a piece of me has died.

So, that’s pretty much everything that’s happened since I’ve been incommunicado. Since I won’t be working for a while, I’m hoping to get back into the blogging thing again, though if I’m feeling really negative, I won’t. I don’t want to be THAT person. You know, the one who’s constantly bitching about how much life sucks and blahblahblah. I want this blog to be different from others that I’ve had. I’m hoping this will be one of the only downtrodden entries.

Now, tell me intarwebs, what have YOU been up to in my absence? Any new jobs? New friends? New concerts? New babies? DISH PEOPLE! I need to know these things! ๐Ÿ˜›