In which I decide to tackle a cat for shaving purposes

So, one of the cats (Nala) likes to make her fur matted. Well, I’ve decided that she likes it that way cuzz no matter how often we cut the mats out, she comes back with bigger and better ones. This time, it looks like she has baseballs on her back legs by her tail and there’s even one on the top of her back near her tail that is like handle. If I didn’t think it would hurt her and cause her to carry through with her plans to kill me, I’d pick her up by the matted hair handle and take a picture. You know, for shits and giggles.

Monday, I was able to cut one out after four different attempts. This was after The Ginger came out of his bedroom, holding one of the mats in such a way that I thought he had a mouse and about slapped it out of his hand. (I didn’t want it to bite him.) (Yes, I am incredibly girly when it comes to bugs and spiders, but not mice.) (Unless I’ve had some beer or something, then maybe.) She actually laid on the couch and kinda sniffed me while I did it. Once she felt like there was danger, she’d get up and run, but I actually cut one of the baseballs off her hind end. Greg came home from work as I was getting the last bit of it and asked if I had to sit on her to get it. LOL

I have now been inspired to be done with her “body balls” and just shave all of her fur off. This is going to require a certain amount of finesse, grace and planning. I can do the planning. But I have zero finesse and I am the least graceful person you’ll ever meet. I think of myself as a rhino on roller skates. You know I’m gonna fall at some point, but it’s very comical to watch the process. I have a feeling that my adventure in cat grooming is probably going to get me as close to death as possible without my actually losing consciousness of needing to call an ambulance and go to the hospital.

See, Nala is our skittish cat. She doesn’t like new people. Hell, it took her a couple years to even warm up to Greg and I and she still has issues about being too close to us for too long. When someone new comes to the house, she is no where to be found. Well, unless she’s thirsty. Nala will cut a bitch to get to her water dish.

I’m kinda looking at this as an adventure. I’m going to have to tackle her in order to give her the Calm The Fuck Down Kitty® pills (they’re some natural capsule thingies that I’m gonna have to open and pour down her throat. I’d put it into a can of food, but we don’t have any and I don’t know how I’d get her to eat it without any of the other cats getting it).

Dudes. I think she can hear my thoughts. She’s giving the Kitty Death Stare® from the hallway as I type this. Maybe I won’t be alive long enough to attempt to tackle her…


I’m hoping that the pill thingies work cuzz if they don’t, I’m gonna have to try to shave her while she’s squirming. Somehow I think that might be a little dangerous. Or maybe I’m just being a wuss. Probably.

I’m not sure if I’m going to attempt this tonight while Greg is home, or if I’ll wait until tomorrow when it’s just me and Miss Squish. Either way, I’ll be sure to take a before and after picture so I can share my tale properly. I’m sure it’s going to be rather amusing.

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