On The Subject of Accomplishing Shit

This morning I got off my ass and attempted to do this Couch-2-5K thing that I keep seeing other people do.  Call it peer pressure, call it a desire to lose my Dispatch Ass®, or whatever catchy little thing you want to make up, I have decided that I want to complete this program.  My possible failing point? I FUCKING TOLD PEOPLE I’M DOING IT .

I don’t know if this is a common thing or not, but I’ve realized over the years that if I want to accomplish something, I have a better chance of doing so if I just keep it to myself.  It seems like whenever I tell someone else, I lose all motivation for finishing whatever it is and that’s that.  I don’t like it when I feel like people are disappointed in me or anything,  so you’d think that would be a huge motivator.  Apparently not so much.  Like, every time I tried to quit smoking, I told people not to let me near a cigarette cuzz I was gonna quit.  It would last a day or so and then I’d pick up a pack of cigarettes and that would be that.  Last year, though, I didn’t really say anything to anyone about it.  Guess who hasn’t smoked in over a year?

I’m not entirely sure why I decided to let people in on my Kill the Dispatch Ass plan, but it’s out there now.  I was originally supposed to start it up on Monday, but I didn’t.  I was tired.  Miss Squish decided to get up at 0330 and I couldn’t fall back to sleep until I was supposed to get up, so I said, “Fuck it” and didn’t go.  Yesterday was a rain delay due to hearing what sounded like buckets being dumped on the roof when I was supposed to make my attempt.  Again, I said, “Fuck it”.  This morning I almost didn’t go again.  Miss Squish woke up at 0400 this time and, again, I couldn’t fall back to sleep.  Today, though.  Today I forced myself out there and tried.  I didn’t make it through, but that was cuzz I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  Remembering my inhalers would have probably been a smart move, but I was operating on little sleep and SHUT UP!  The point is, I got out and tried and I plan on doing so again tomorrow.  Hopefully my telling the world about this isn’t my way of sabotaging myself.  Seems I like to do that a lot, as well.

So, now it’s out there.  I will also be incorporating more by way of a “work out” routine as I progress.  Maybe.  I don’t know.  First, it would just be helpful if my kids would all sleep through the night at the same fucking time.  Seriously, not having a night of uninterrupted sleep in over 3 years is taking its toll on me and making me feel like an old lady.  Like, a LEGIT old lady, not just old cuzz I’ve gone over the hill or some shit like that.  I would also like to request a vacation from being an adult.  Someone REALLY needs to get on approving that request, like, yesterday.

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