The Time I Was Stalked By A Herd Of Cats

So.  It’s no secret that I love cats. Cats are my most favorite thing evAr! and I used to have my very own herd of them.  6 cats that were all about a year apart in age, the oldest (at the time) was, like, 7 or 8 and the youngest was a year.  If I could have, I’d have totally added more cats to my collection.  I’ve had to downsize, which makes me sad, and only have 3 now.  One day, I will grow my collection again and I wonder if that day may come sooner than later.

Yesterday morning I got u p at the asscrack of early to wander around the neighborhood in my effort to stop being such a lazy bitch.  As I wandered, I was keeping busy by discovering the random ass songs I put on my phone to keep myself moving.  I remembered adding a shit-ton of 90s music, but I also apparently threw in some Lady Gaga at some point?  As I was figuring out what I added, I was also running into low hanging tree branches and, at one point, I tripped over my own feet when I looked down and saw boobs on my phone instead of Coolio’s awesomeness.  As I was trying to make sure no one saw me trip and figure out why there were random boobs on my phone (I still haven’t been able to figure that out), I noticed something kind of odd.

There was a small gray kitten following me.

Obviously I was drawn to the kitten.  I mean, it was FOLLOWING ME.  That means that it wanted to live with me and snuggle with me and ignore my husband so I could finally have a cat of my very own that would love ONLY ME.  I tried to pet it, but it darted away, as kittens are wont to do.  I was a little disappointed, but carried on with my wandering.  I decided to look back after a few steps to see if it had come back out from under the bush it ran to and was a little surprised at what I saw.

Not only was the little gray kitten back, but it was following me again.  And it had brought a friend.

Que high-pitched *squee*ing.  ANOTHER CAT!  TWO CATS FOLLOWING ME!  Clearly this meant that I was supposed to add them to my collection.  I attempted to make contact and, again, they darted away.

I continued on my journey, losing myself in my playlist again.  An old man and I crossed paths and waved at each other.  I found it a little odd that he was wearing a wife beater, cargo shorts, white socks pulled up to his knees, and some beat up shoes.  No idea where he came from, but he seemed harmless enough.  A little farther down the street and  I started to feel like I was being followed, which was kinda creepy since the sun was just starting to come up.  I looked over my shoulder, thinking maybe the old dude turned around or something and was startled at what I saw.



I wanted to be excited.  I wanted to think that these cats thought of me as their queen and that they wanted nothing more than to live with me and give me kitty cat snuggles.  But there was something about how quickly the herd grew that I found disturbing.  I started to wonder if maybe I had wandered into some sort of secret cat meeting and had interrupted a key moment of plotting world domination.  Obviously if that were the case, I would need to be eliminated cuzz you can’t have some chick with butt-ass white legs telling the world that your cat gang is about to dominate the planet.  

I shuddered a little and picked up my pace.   

They were still behind me when I walked into my driveway.

They stopped at the end of the driveway and watched as I walked onto my porch and took off my shoes.

They were still watching me when I opened the door and went inside.

I haven’t seen any of the cats since then.  I’m hoping that they realized that no one would believe me if I tried to warn them that there was a gang of cats out there trying to take over the world.  I did skip my early morning wandering today, though, so I don’t truly know that they weren’t waiting for me outside.  And I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being watched.

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